Borth

T'other night, possibly Friday night, I was thinking about my birthday, and parties there attached. I'd eaten lots of chocolate and was in a good and confident mood.

And I thought, I knew even, that by the time my birthday comes round, in December, I'm going to be racked with insecurity and stuff, its the middle of office Christmas party season, its a Friday, the ideal time for a works Christmas do, so anyone who decides to jack that in and come out with me has to be pretty dedicated, or not really into Christmas or socialising with work colleagues.

Anyhoo, I think getting it staked out now before I lose my feeling on it would be in order.

I set up a Facebook event, here, no location, and vague times.

But then when it got to the inviting thing, I got the fear.

Out of my Facebook friends list, there were only five or six people who I didn't feel awkward inviting. Suddenly, for everyone else, whilst in my head I could see them out drinking, at a party and just having positive vibes, I couldn't see them being there for my birthday.

Some of the following reasons.
I don't know them well enough,
I don't know them any more,
My motives would be unclear,
I haven't spoken to them in years
I didn't say more than hey last time we spoke
Although I can see them there, they have always made me paranoid and jealous
These people will see how empty my life is
Or how empty I think it is

Last year was all right, got back to Glasgow. But this year I'm more on my own, and its kind of painful.