Doctor Who's Pandorica

For half the episode I was convinced that the Pandorica was going to turn out to be the Tardis in bootstrap mode. When River Song was trapped in it, and trying to get out at at the same time as the Pandorica was starting to open, it would almost make sense to have her tumble out.

The alliance of Doctor Who's enemies has been done before, many times, for example The Dalek's Master Plan and that crap Children in Need 3D special from 1993. I always think its corny and unrealistic in the great scheme of intergalactic diplomacy, then again, we have The Quartet dealing with Israel in real life so maybe.

Anyhoo, elsewhere on the internet people are moaning about Doctor Who being a monster of the week, magic reset button, doesn't have to make sense kind of program. Is it possible for the produces to buck the trend and change things?

Could The Doctor really spend the next episode and maybe the entire next series and possibly 2,000 years of storytime locked in a box? Maybe He's been rapidly aged a couple of times before, so maybe they could just lock the Pandorica and then open it again in the present day and out he steps without missing a beat.

Could it be setting up the Doctor to do the next series without a Tardis? For years during Pertwee's reign as the Doctor, the Tardis didn't work, it was just part of the set in UNIT's HQ.

Why does the voice saying 'silence must fall' sound like Davros? That doesn't quite make sense, cos he'd be well up for the destruction of the universe, likewise with The Master, that's all they're ever after these days,

Actually that does make me a little sad, each series of the new Doctor Who, seems to end with a plot or a scheme to destroy the earth, the human race, the galaxy, the universe or all of reality itself, its kind of small minded and does away with a rich tapestry of potential story ideas. Like the old two factions of Daleks at war with each other, regardless of the Doctor, whereby Earth was just an incidental theatre. Even the serial/movie of The Dalek Invasion of Earth was about turning the earth into a spaceship and driving across the universe in search of new adventures.

I think its the way the stories in Doctor Who now revolve around the Doctor being the centre of the universe, rather than just him being a small man resolving the problems of the universe a small step at a time.

Even the Dalek's obsession with the Doctor seems a bit irrational considering how big the universe is, couldn't they just avoid him?

So, what happens in next week's episode?

Doctor escapes for the Pandorica when no one's looking using some kind of nutella-based eye-lasers, uses some kind of teleporter made out of custard-creams to swap River Song and the not quite dead yet Milly Pond. She spills custard and fish fingers on the Tardis, causing it to go back to the start of the universe, whereupon it explodes. The Tardis is the big bang. Doctor gets stabbed by a melting plastic Roman Legionnaire, and regenerates to become River Song. The two identical River Songs make out for a while, whilst timey wimey yellow energy anally rapes them like tentacle porn, eventually spunking custard and the two of them merge together like that time at the end of Logopolis when Tom Baker makes out with the mysterious figure in white and became Peter Davison, but this time for confectionery-based reasons they regenerate back into Matt Smith's Doctor.

A naked, but very much alive Rory is pulled out of a pool of melty plastic, and joins the doctor for a very homoerotic next series.

iPod Daleks

I can't say I'm that impressed with the latest episode of Doctor Who, not quite naff, but getting there.

Even last week I was put off with the idea of a historical figure phoning up the Doctor for an urgent/non-urgent thing, that just didn't happen in Doctor Who, its the sort of thing an American who'd never seen the program would suggest, ten minutes into a brain-storming session.

It doesn't even make sense, historical figures know about the Doctor and have his phone number, but somehow don't remember the daleks. Someone's crossed the timestreams.

Anyhoo, the new daleks, now available in colours to match your iPod, how very 2010.

Sure, I accept the unsurpressed need to redesign all the monsters for every series, it worked for the cybermen, but somehow the design process for these new daleks in just uninspired.

Sure, they're bigger and sleeker than their older cousins, but they're thundering hulks, rather than anything sinister, and they have a hump back.

I would have preferred more variations on a theme like the old Rememberance of the Daleks heavy weapons Dalek, or the glass Dalek. More of that sort of thing please.

Besides all the ones in this evening's episode seemed a bit rattley, they'd shake when they were talking, and wobbly when they moved. That's just not right. If the Doctor can fend them off with a jammy dodger, surely he can point out that they're made of plastic with a wee man inside pedaling a tricycle.

Like this...

Run

Never able to say no when asked, I appear to be going to a gig in Nottingham tonight. Sure the bands are fun, but that town has bad vibes for me.

So I was there by my computer, poised with razorblade in hand (metaphorically) when my flatmate's voice came blasting through "Chris, would you like to come jogging with me, Alec and Fiona?"

An hour and a half later I was stretching off round Regent's Park. The first bit of exercise I've done in about eighteen months, not including horizontal jogging. And you know, it wasn't bad. According to my flatmates, I'm just naturally fit. Personally I think its just that I don't complain about muscle pains and don't pay any attention to my phyiscal limits.

Its the advantage of not having noticiable changed in the last fifteen years.

This one dumb Easter weekend in the nineties, I tried walking the 55 mile boundary round Bolton in a day, made about 42 miles before nightfall. So when I got back to school and some teacher, possibly called Mr Frost was bragging about doing a ten day coast to coast walk, I pointed out I could probably do that in two days.

Zee, what happened, where are you now and can we go for a coffee and catch up?

Over on the nuddy chicks site, the poll about what to do when a girl says she'll let you know later in the week, the clear consensus is to jump out of a window, although it seems just waiting and taking the initiative and calling yersel are both valid options, that whilst not the most popular, would still be acceptable.

I gotta find a gig to go to tonight or some club full of people I'm no scared of. I think I have Saturday and Sunday night's tied up, slaughtering a few more French students, or going to Gresham Flyer gigs. But Friday night, party night, I need something.

Rain rain go away

I don't know about you, but am thrilled to have gone up another two Technorati authority points. I blame London blogger Krista and Shanna from Year of the Books

Ooh, I could be on TV tonight, on The Culture Show, where Trev got me interviewed. I, for one, am filled with terror and anticipation. If a successful career as a talking head on the more sophisticated of the BBC's output doesn't get me the girl, I don't know what will.

Still no idea who these people reading my blog are, but they're getting a tad obsessive, may I recommend using a RSS feed reader, rather than actually visiting the site several times a day. Try this feed and this feed. Or try asking me to come over for a coffee and to watch Dr Who.

Return of the Kingboy

Back in Glasgow for a brief visit. I know, I know its four hundred miles, but I was in a funk and needed to escape, I appreciate that there's some things you just can't escape from, there's no hiding, all you can do is keep running when you need to.

So right now I'm in Oscars, using their Free Wiki (is that my suicide?). The girl's reading a newspaper, I'm updating a couple of websites, we both have coffee.

Its weird, even for an unplanned and the briefest of visits, I've met up with The Photographer, Alan, The Plimps, The Just Jones and now got into Raymond Chandler novels. Last night was the Only Joe Kane album launch at MacPhabbs, the vibe the same as last year, similar faces, similar vibes, so much has happened since then, but if you squint slightly, so little has changed.

So I was trawling the depths and found this post, from six years ago. And its the weirdest thing, I'm in London now, I saw the Loves as soon as I got there, and that drumstick that I pinched off the swedish broad, I had to give to Dave the drummer for the last Deep Fried Wolfknuckles gig. Its kind of like that Doctor Who story, Remembrance of the Daleks, where the Doctor goes back to where the first Doctor Who episode started and finishes of this plan he'd set in motion. Ooh the guy in that was called Captain Gilmour. I rule the time streams