The end of sterling

I understand that the Bank or England are cranking up the printing presses and churning out money. This devalues the old pound sterling, its kind of the same economic measures that Robert Mugabe was taking in Zimbabwe.

Not that it makes much difference to me, I have no money, I just have debts. I'm vaguely aware that in olden times debt was theft, it was a dishonest accumulattion of wealth. Not so in 21st century Britain, I have overdrafts and credit cards, so that makes it all okay them.

Right now I am unemployed, for the past ten years I have been paying National Insurance and now I am claiming it back in Job Seeker's Allowance. Anyhoo, that doesn't help my debts, they remain constant.

As the pound devalues my debts become less.

We need alternative currencies, here are a couple we can try out.
Big Mac - Sold all over the world and a concrete thing that you may or may not consume (price taken from Brent Cross branch)
GoldGrams - Units of gold available from GoldMoney
Minimum Wage Hour - whatever you earn for one hour's work at minimum wage
JSA week - one week's worth of Job Seeker's Allowance.

Their values are as below in current pounds sterling, I suspect this will change over the coming weeks.

• Big Mac - £2.09
• GoldGrams - £21.18
• MWH - £5.73
• JSA - £60.50

Or in McDonald's Big Macs

• GBP - 0.48 Big Macs
• GoldGrams - 10.13 Big Macs
• MWH - 2.74 Big Macs
• JSA - 28.94 Big Macs

I'll check up on these in the coming weeks to see which is the most stable currency. Not quite sure how to measure stability, but hey, I'll have a think and it'll all be okay, aye.

David Brent

My car was being serviced so I wander for a few hours round Brent. The bushes are heavy with raspberries. Some predatorial bird stood in my path hacking away at a mouse caught for lunch.

There's a big expanse of water here, the edges are covered with a thick green scum, I shall name it Scum Loch.

Shags dive, pigeons saw, fish rise, leaping briefly out of the water. It smells rotten, Someone has left coconuts.

I hunger.

Time passes and I arrive at the other side of Scum Loch, armed with a carton of cranberry juice and a packet of sour gobstoppers.

Wildlife is all around me, I think I'm being stalked by water rats or otters, duck type birds squawk unseen, scum bubbles methane, in the distance my car is serviced.

A small clearing off the man path, conker trees stand tall overhead, ancient matresses lie rotting in the undergrowth and I'm thinking about doing rude things to girls.

How many generations of kids have played here on their bikes?

Some trees appear broken, not just branches, but whole trunks torn assunder. Do giants walk in these regions?

Parkland populated by seagulls, dog walkers and litter picker uppers. I feel like I'm in Doctor Who's England.

Wembley's arch looming on the horizon, a burnt out motorbike in the trees, a small pair of knickers too close to the water's edge.

Why does my car take so long? Isn't it just an oil check and a brake check?

McDonalds for dinner, the Wembley arch still looming sinisterly behind some trees. The Big BBQ burger is nothing special, I wish I hadn't bothered.