Smoothie #3 - Kiwi pineapple grittie

Watching Buffy season three, up to the last disc now, after spending the morning checking jobs on Monster.co.uk, I don't click with any of them. I just can't see myself doing anything, I feel so unskilled and talentless.

Sure I have talents, but its like I was saying the other night, when I review gigs, if the barstaff are being dicks or some couple are being really distracting and making out, then that's what I'll write about and barely mention the band, but if I actually had to write gig reviews as a job for some music website, aw man, I'd be crap.

Right, I made another smoothie...

Kiwi pineapple grittie
Ingredients
1 slice of pineapple
2" value yoghurt
2 kiwi fruits
1 gob of honey

First, arrange your ingredients for photographic purposes.

Chop the skinnish crusty bits of the pineapple and the kiwifruits and sling them into the mixing thing. Ooh, Ooh, hang on. It took me a white to figure this out, you gotta pour the yoghurt in first, then the chopped fruit, then pour in the gob of honey. If you put the honey in first, that's bad, it all stick to the sides of the jug and doesn't get blended properly. Likewise with icecubes, but they're not used in this one.

Once everyone's out of the flat, at work, you can blend the smoothie as much as you like for as long as you like, making as much noise as you like.

Alas, I misjudged the smoothieness of kiwifruit, those little guys are full of seeds and they just blend up gritty. It tastes all right, the honey really helps, but that seedy grittiness, that's just a bit bad.

Smoothie #2 - Cranbananberry smoo

Am finally watching that Hallam Foe movie that Hugh MacLeod was going on about. I think I've become more like him than I was when I first read about the film in 2006. That kind of awkwardness and relationship jeopardy, ach.

Anyhoo, I made another smoothie...

Cranbananberry smoo
Ingredients
1 banana
1/5 a packet of cranberries
2" of yoghurt

First, arrange your ingredients for photographic purposes.

Unzip the banana and sling it in the smoothie blending jar, empty out half the packet of cranberries and pour in 2" of yoghurt.

Screw on the blendery lid thing and blend for, god knows, two minutes maybe. It was late at night and its so loud, you know, you get that fear that its pissing off someone upstairs.

It tasted great, my natural revulsion to bananas was somewhat suppressed by the berries, but they didn't blend well, there were raisin sized bits still coming through. And I think I need to put more fluid in to make it smoother, and less porridgey.

Smoothie #1 - Ginger citrus lumpie

So ma dearest bought me a smoothie maker for Christmas, to get my vitamins, which was rather lucky cos I fell ill with the man flu a few hours later. Alas I was too ill to get to the shops to buy fruit to render. Luckily I somehow have a girlfriend who is generous, kind and forgiving, she came round bringing gifts of fruit and yoghurt, and even encouraged me to get over my fear of bananas and include on in my first ever self-made smoothie.

Anyhoo, its late at night and I needed more vitamins so I ventured forth into the world of smoothie making...

Ginger citrus lumpie
Ingredients
1 lemon
1 orange
1 hunk of ginger
1.5" of yoghurt

First, arrange your ingredients for photographic purposes.

Then chop the skin off the ginger and citrus things. My niece, following her progative to reject crust on bread, refers to fruit skin as crust, and assumes it extends to a depth of about 10mm. Me, I'm less precious about crusts and skin, and believe the fiber is character building, so you just roughly chop at the damn things.

Next pour about an inch and a half of yoghurt into the smoothie jar thing, sling the fruit and ginger, screw the spinny lid thing on and lock it on the smoothie maker base thing.

Then turn the switch up to the high setting and leave it doing its thing for about thirty seconds less than it needs.

And what you'll have is a decent amount of ginger and vitamins with the consistency of vomit, and bit of a kick to it. Its slow going to drink it, but its kind of healthy aye, and the missus swears by ginger for sorting out colds and flus.

Should have left the smoothie maker doing its thing for about thirty seconds longer to get rid of the lumps. This one's not a smoothie, its a lumpie.