Possibly the greatest thing ever

A kitten riding a tortoise.

New Year's Resolutions status update

So, after a week, how have I been getting on with my New Year's resolutions:-

• Play a gig in London
  Haven't even touched my guitar this year, but I did promise my girlfriend I'd write a song about her.
  
• Find a job
  Updated my CV once and had a look at reed.co.uk
  
• Build my own audio pre amp
  Had a look on Maplin and RS com for that preamp kit they used to sell.

• 100+ pageviews a day here
  Did it for a few days, but it's kind of tailed off now. Having said that, average views has gone up from 70-ish last month to 85 this year.
  
• Reduce my debts by more than 50%
  Jesus wept, the other day my gas got connected again, and I ended up spending £8 on one day's worth of heating. £8, that's like two hours work for me. So I'm going to have to wear my warm clothes in the house more and turn the heating off.
  
• Mercilessly crush my enemies
  I did a bit of a project plan for this, but have failed to identify any realistic external enemies.
  
• Run 10K in less that 25 minutes
  Its a bit cold out, but I did see my running shoes in my wardrobe the other day.
  

New years resolutions

For 2010 I hereby resolve to:-

• Play a gig in London in front of people who've paid to come in
• Find a new job with better hours that's a bit more career-orientated rather than just rent-paying
• Build my own audio pre amp
• Draw more traffic to this blog (+100 pageviews a day)
• Reduce my debts by more than 50% (£3,500)
• Mercilessly crush my enemies
• Run 10K in less that 25 minutes

They're not particularly ambitious resolutions, and a little project planning will see them through. I'll to keep you informed with monthly updates.

Roundup #167 - Bowlie Final Countdown photies

In lieu of Bowlie, this is a round up of all the photies across the internets from the Final Countdown Weekend. That'll be Friday night's quiz thing, the gig at Jamm on Saturday and the picnic on Sunday. Aye

Flickr
Mine
also mine
Mae
Angel Justine
Inuitmonster
Your Funny Uncle
also here
Ms Bexy
Sunshine Pop
James I Skinner
acb
String Bean Jen

Facebook
Astrid
Jens
also here
Reb

If there's any I've missed, feel free to let me know.

Duty

Oh woe is me...

Its become my duty to write reviews of gigs, to go to these things and scribble or jab notes on my mobile phone, and punt it out onto the internet. Its not like anyone reads the damned things, just the bands themselves. My nuddy website, that gets thousands of hits a day as you might expect, but gig reviews, how many people? About twenty five hits a day.

Its almost completely hopeless.

I can't even stop doing it, I tried. I gave up months ago, it lasted about a week before I was back there, standing in the dark, glancing at 'the kids' (twenty-somethings) having fun, knives of jealous jagging from my eyes.

They stand with their friends and loved ones, chatting and laughing and thinking of the delights to come later that evening. But me, I scribble, cos if I don't, no one will.

I have become a quiet voice in a big empty room. "Readers, listen to this band, they are great", "This other band are crap", "This gig could be better if..."

I got home late last night, the train line from Highbury was closed for engineering work, I'd been to see Pocketbooks, The Zebras and Airport Girl at the Buffalo Bar, some Fortuna Pop pre-Indietracks show* . So it was late, I as tired, I wanted to get photies from the gig online, maybe stab out the review or just fuck it, not enough people read it to make it worth my time, or maybe they do, but I can't handle the ambiguity and the silence and the wait. Robbie pops up in messenger, he'd been out drinking with The Smittens, chatting to one of them who's heard of my gig reviews.

A slight fuzzy feeling spreads out in my tummy like the warmth of the first summer's day.

Then I think, oh, I've got to do this, haven't I. I don't get to lie down with my wife, or get a lift home with my friends. I just have to write the damned thing. All the time the shadow of Tasty looms over, sneering.

I don't even get to scrawl the vicious kick 'em in the balls and run away anger and frustration reviews of a year ago.

Erm.

Actually...

Its not true, I spent half of last nights gig chatting to MJ Hibbett and Camila from WeePop. It was nice.

Yesterday's favourite search to find this blog on google
'illandancient'

*see, technorati will find this post when you search for any of the band names now. I could even add links to every mention too, so google will wrap me in its warm embrace. But really, would it help me as a person? Would it help or hinder the bands? Doubtful all round.

On dating

Recently a friend suggested I try the Guardian's Soulmates webiste, I knocked back the idea outright. Its not for me.

And here's why.

I don't struggle at meeting new people. In the course of my extra-curricular activities, both online and in real life, I'm surrounded. Thousands of people check out my websites, hundreds of people read my posts on message boards, dozens of people go to the same gigs as me. At any point I can turn the girl next to me and say "Hey, how's it going, what did you think of that last one.".

I'll accept that starting off the conversation terrifies me, but after that, its plain sailing, I can be rounded and charming enough to carry it off.

So, what is the problem?

Even when out with friends, I sit at the side, or stand at the back keeping quiet, gazing into the distance, or into my pint, sometimes my mind travels in time. It takes a cattle prod to get me communicating.

I'm not sure how Soulmates will help there.

Since I discovered my cock some time in the mid-nineties, I've have about six relationships that lasted over four months, none more than seven. It worries me, there's something very wrong. I mention it to friends on MSN, my worries. And then every so often in response to me saying something outragous, the friends on MSN will say something like "I can see why it only lasts six months".

I find it patronising and condescending, and it makes me think they're fools. They know nothing of context. I take it too seriously.

Yesterday, I was at Dr Sketchy's, the burlesque life-drawing thing. Keeping quiet at the back with my post-it pad and biro, between drawing tasks, I scrawled a wee list of those lucky lucky 4-7 month relationships and how they ended. And drew a pie chart too. The reasons they ended are diverse, only two reasons non-unique. The most popular reason for splitting up, with 2.5 hits, is 'moved to London'. This shouldn't reoccur, I've implemented corrective action. The second non-unique reason, is my refusal to come back after being dumped and then begged back.

Me saying something outrageous, has never had any bearing on the end of a relationship.

Looking at the list, the other terrifying thing is what could be called the Good Luck Chuck factor. More than half the girlfriends got engaged shortly after we broke up. Never seen the film, but I understand to break the curse I have to hump Jessica Alba. Alas she never returns my calls.

What to do?

Fuck knows.

If I don't shut anything down, or close off any of my options, the possibilities for the future are limitless.

So carry on reviewing gigs, carry on going to geeky internet meetups, carry on drawing pictures, carry on as usual with brief psychotic episodes of frustration, jealousy and anger.

Then again, the friend was also signing up to Guardian's Soulmates herself, so it could have been a round about way of asking me out. But I very much doubt it.

Weak as a kitten

I love the phrase "weak as a kitten". There's this oanel at the end of the original four part Transformers comic where the Autobots have defeated the Decepticons, but they're run out of fuel, Optimus Prime is down on his knees, and Buster Witwicky is pleading with him on some plot point. But the Autobots are helpless cos they're so weak. Then Shockwave appears and kills them all.

Anyhow over here in reality, this one time I was helping frere insulate his loft. It was tiring work, all wrapping in moon monkey outfits and face masks. After a few hours we couldn't even stand up and I was resorting to rolling around in the insulation, moaning. As weak as a kitten.

So last night, finally all my CD making kit was working and I was ploughing through them. But after the day's excitement I was as weak as a kitten by the time I gave up at 1am.

Its a busy day at work, we started early 6:30am and right know I'm so knackered I can't stand. I tried to earlier, but ended up on the floor, so I did some floor work.

Its going to be a long long day, we've got a container to unload at lunch time and at some point I have to walk to the garage to pick up my car.

I need a wheelchair.