God, its just the finger flexing frustration of being hemmed in by fate and events beyond yer own control. The huge sweep of emotions and fear.

I just want to get drunk and have a good time, just to let things go, I realise that I had that a lot of the time over the past few months, not right now though. I have duties, wee chunk of loyalty to friends and acquaintances. And through unfortunate chains of events I find myself walking home in London.

I could have doubled back and gone back into the MacBeth and played catchup with the drinking, hung out with The Joanses and whoever else, but no, I'd been knocked down a peg or two, the unsettling influence of chaos and events beyond my control had cast me out. And I walked and I walked.

Something about Old Street underground, how the East and North exits seemed to be sign posted the wrong way round. If you face north and turn right you should be facing East, but in Old Street its the other way round. This wrecked my sense of direction. So I wander down a wide street, not sure if I'm walking towards transcentral where I can get a bus home or whether I'm walking north or east which could be unpleasant. I don't really know what bus I can get.

By the time I reach Trafalgar Square I remember the N11 is about the only night bus that'll get me to Alperton.

Its 6am when I get in, and I wander what the hell happened to the night. The Just Joans were on stage, the band what I make CDs for in a half hearted attempt being a record label, one of the few bands who make the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and all around me its warm and fuzzy, I could have loads to drink and everything wold be fine. And then it descended.

These things happen. Shit happens. And in the words of Idles, Fuck that Shit.

So excuse me while I wallow for a bit

What happened? A friend who I'd dragged along, on her first week after moving down to London gets her drink spiked, or had been acting weird all night, and its up to me to abandon my own plans and see her safely. God bless the small worldism of the internet, and good souls from the past, some chap called Ben and his friends sorted everything.

And me, I was left wandering.