zzzz

I am exhausted, nackered, drained and hung over. We have some quality inspector peeps coming today and I'm stressed, or maybe its strain.

The past few days of 'birthday' celebrations, putting on this mask of sociability, making the effort of gratitude and replying to text messages when I just want to get on and have a normal day.

Dev the wheeler dealer in the warehouse here, spent a good half hour yesterday trying to get me to buy a scrap Smart Car he'd acquired. "It'd be useful for spare parts", "Treat yourself my friend", "Just in case anything happens to your Smartie", "£400, £200, £100, £50". And so I had to spend twenty minutes disuading him. It was unpleasant. I'm not cut out for that sort of thing. I would have stabbed him in the eye, but he needs depth perception for driving forklift trucks.

More rounds of present this morning as I discover mail that came yesterday, stacks of presents from Nat and other folk. I'm completely undeserving and struggle to reciprocate, the guilt is crushing.

Bedroom is a tip, laundry all over the place, looks like Jax's room on a bad day. My life is a mess, maybe I can fix it with fire.

I just want it to sleep and all this to be over.