Friday, 4 December 2009

Forking off

Hmm, its last thing on a Friday, no one is going to read this post.

I'm just moving into a new flat, there's no internet there, no central heating yet and the cooker and washing machine aren't plumbed in yet. On the plus side, I've hooked up my two Peavey guitar amps to be my PC's speakers, rather than my usual effort of plugging in headphone and turning the volume up to max. There's a bit of a mains hum coming through, but its tolerable.

Anyhoo, this is like the first time I've been in a position to set up my own place, usually I've been in fully furnished and shared places, but right now I get to buy my own bookcases and cutlery and stuff.

The cutlery is important,very important. In all the places I've stayed since I left my parent's home twelve and a half years ago, the cutlery has been unsatisfying. Its been odds and sods, no matching sets, tarnished spoons, forks with crap prongs.

So, I went to Ikea to acquire the perfect cutlery for my flat, but it was a sad task. Lets take a look at what they have to offer:-
Three prongs? What the hell is wrong with the designer? How the blazes are we supposed to eat with a three pronged fork? Its like some the cave men would hack together before the died out. Did the usual four prong standard scare the dumb cro-magnon too much, could they not could high enough to spec the correct number of prongs? Maybe it was good enough for 1 Samuel 2:13, but times have changed since then.

Jebus! What's going on with the left and right prongs here? why are they so wide? Is this some kind of safety fork? Won't this just lead to foodstuffs falling off the fork? Or maybe I've got it wrong and its a knork that you're supposed to sharpen yourself?

And here, why do the prongs only go down a fraction of the length of the fun end? Was the designer scared thatthey might be used to plunge too deeply into food and again its some kind of safety feature?

What's wrong with Ikea forks, why can't they sell just a nice, normal, function fork that hasn't been designed by an imbecile?

Luckily Tescos has a neat range of cutlery, and saved the day.

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