Melons

This one time in Glasgow flatmate Michelle cooked a whole chicken and had just a wee portion of it and left the rest in a bowl in the kitchen. It wan't in the fridge, just on the work top, in a bowl in a small pool of gravy.

It was there for a week.

One one else wanted to chuck it out cos obviously Michelle might want to finish it later, and it was quite a big chicken.

A week and a half later the thing stank and had grown a grey beard.

Michelle wasn't the most pleasant of people to talk to so no one mentioned this thing.

But it was there for about a fortnight and made me want to hound her out of the flat.

Here are some photies of pictures


Everyone needs a hobby.

Years later I live in London.

There's this watermelon in the kitchen, it has a bit of tinfoil over it. Its been there for about five days now. I rarely go in the kitchen, having been hounded out by my flatmate's sneering at my food, cooking technique and insistance that I empty the dishwasher when she's used every single cooking utensil for every single meal.

So I wander over and have a look under the tinfoil. Clouds of flies rise from it, and there's a small dripping trail of rancid grot dripping off it. I almost boked.

This is from a flatmate who doesn't talk to you for a week if you leave a dirt mug in the living room for more than five minutes.

I almost boked.