Wednesday, 24 September 2008
Spent some time on the Northern Circular Road this morning, it makes me think of ex-girlfriends more than usual. Sad thoughts.
Why am I here now, and not with them? What went wrong? What did I do wrong? and how come other people do the same and it's right for them?
How come I can barely muster relationships lasting as long as four weeks now?
Starting to have teh fear for my birthday in December. How can I evade depression (the natural human emotion, not the serious mental illness which I would never consider making light of in a flippant blog post)? Resign myself drinking wine alone in my room with a packet of chocolate digestives, or make an efford to dig up and re-engage old friends to drink with (seems a bit mercenary to me). Not a chance in hell of having a party at the flat.
Last year was a bit of luck with mental judo and getting to Glasgow, but its too far away now, the light fading.
Thirty years for this?